Friday, September 07, 2007

It was September


It was September of '94 or '84
Doesn't really matter much anymore

The sky was clear
The crew was here
All systems go!

And she was on track
To payback the kickback
The only thing they missed was the simple fact

The hold was overflowed
With darkness undertow

It was September of '94 or '84
Doesn't really matter much anymore

Sometimes everything seems so clear
The people that you're holdin near
The demons that ya call your fear

And she was on track
To payback the kickback
The only thing they missed was the simple fact

The ship had run aground
The captain made no sound
At all.


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It has been a really good week. I am kind of starting a new phase in my life--a phase in which I can really start to see that there really are no "new phases", just an ever unfolding moment. This sounds a little, well, suspect... As if I am tooting my own Zen trumpet:

"Hey looky here!!--every moment is a new brand new moment, there is only the moment, and this moment is simultaneously connected with all other moments... etc.etc.. yada yada."

Nevertheless, though I jest, I am beginning to understand, and maybe just ever ever so slightly beginning to shed myself of my self. The intro to this post is a remnant of my past, when I held on to my darkness, suffocated myself with it, and I, as the captain, made no sound at all--even while aware of the simple fact that I was bringing myself down.

Things are falling into place, or rather, they are being seen in their place, not in some way that my mind wants them to be.

I have finally started to actually allow my focus to be here and now. It is a very difficult thing to do. I have a long way to go--the rest of my life--to keep on going--mindfulness is a never ending effort--yet somehow I feel that it can be an effortless effort as well...

I think the biggest thing that has helped me has been in answering the question: Why sit zazen? I have come to the answer. Which is, of course, there is no answer. To do something wholeheartedly with no answer, no gain, no benefit. The point of life is to live.

I used to really despise the kind of stuff like in the latter paragraph. It all seemed so dogmatic. Fresh from the zen vending machine--you know the one down the hall on the second floor--yup, the black one, that's it. Koans two for a dollar. Then on the other hand I really appreciated it too, but really in an intellectual kind of way. Something has changed in my approach and I don't necessarily know what it is, but I am able to really let go more, to allow life to be what it is while still taking care of life.

I think to let go is to not be afraid to be the person you want to be while at the same time "letting go" of all of the things(good, neutral, and bad) that are a result of actually being or trying to be that person.

I also think that to not be afraid of life is to see the balance of other people, other beings, and how they are all part of a interconnected, um, hate to say it but, love or harmony. So basically I am really happy that there are a lot of really nice people out there who aren't trying to kill me or who don't feel they must be totally cruel and selfish towards others. Of course I am happy that my family has helped me to be in a place where I have all the basics of food, shelter, and friendship. I will do my best to extend these simple gifts onto others who do not have them. Yet we all have the responsibility to take care of our own personal situations as best we can.

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"By eliminating disturbances we redouble the disease."--Cho Setsu

"...there is no thinker behind the thought. Thought itself is the thinker."--Walpola Rahula from What the Buddha Taught

"Both day and night, allow all things to come into and reside within your mind. Allow your mind and all things to function together as a whole."--Master Dogen

"The greatest gift that one can give to oneself or another is the gift of no fear."--unknown

5 comments:

Jordan & The Tortoise said...

Muddy, that was a pretty heavy post. Did you write that intro?

I used to really despise the kind of stuff like in the latter paragraph. It all seemed so dogmatic. Fresh from the Zen vending machine--you know the one down the hall on the second floor--yup, the black one, that's it. Koans two for a dollar.

I went for a while fairly recently where I did not even want to see or here the word “Zen” because of all the stuff associated with it.

Somehow I got comfortable with it again.

This was beautifully written, thank you.
I am enjoying your unfolding sky posts too.

Take care,
Jordan

gniz said...

VERY nice post. Just nice and I am so thankful and happy for you my friend. Keep up the good work!
I am proud to be a part of your sangha.

muddy elephant said...

Jordan:

Yeah, that was a song I wrote maybe a year ago. I kind of noodle around with my guitar/keyboard and 4-track--I used to want to be a serious musician, but things never really materialized. Now I really just enjoy playing and having fun with it--nothing too intentional.

Thanks for your thoughts and appreciation.
-----------------------------------

gniz:

Thanks as always. I am grateful to be a part of your sangha as well.

wwwdotnet said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wwwdotnet said...

hey muddy, i saw your profile pic over at rig int, caught the click of my mouse, and read your lyrics, and they caught my soul for a moment. keep writing and making, you already materialized.....